The past year, I have slowly started dating again. It is scary to put yourself out there to possibly get hurt again. Being vulnerable is not easy, but without risking your vulnerability, you may never find love.
“Love is taking the first step, even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”
In today’s society, especially here in New York City, dating is another beast! One would assume, that since there are so many people living here that it would be easy to find love. Well, wrong!! SO wrong! There are millions of people in New York, making the options endless. It’s kind of like going grocery shopping while you're hungry...you want it all and nothing satisfies the craving. People are always on the search with the thought that there is something better, which sometimes makes you miss out on something good.
But that downside also has a positive side to it. With there being so many options, you don’t need to know exactly what you want yet. That’s what dating is for. By dating and meeting new people, you can slowly begin to find characteristics or values that align with yours. Another bonus is that you get to try a ton of new restaurants, coffee shops, bars, and experiences. Some of my favorite places in New York have been found from going on dates.
I worked with Grace Lee from A Good First Date to help me get back out there. Grace has ten years of dating experience and is using her knowledge as a professional matchmaker. She helped me refine my online dating profiles, focus on what my true needs were, and how to weed through options.
A Good First...Swipe
So what makes a good swipe? For many of us, our natural first impression is based on looks. Yes, this is an important factor but if you are looking for a meaningful connection you might want to look for a little more. Think of three things that are important to you. They could be any of the following examples (doesn’t matter what it is) and try not to deviate from them when swiping.
Height, age, education, job, religion, smoking, drinking, or drug use, looking for a relationship
The list goes on and on. Go through a full profile and find something that you have in common to discuss over messages. If you can’t find one, it’s probably not going to work out so don’t waste your time. If you are looking for something meaningful, good looks aren’t going to be enough.
A Good First...Conversation
You’ve matched! Now what? Having a solid conversation before meeting up is key! There has to be enough interest on both sides to want to actually meet up. Grace’s advice during messaging was what I found most helpful.
A great way to message is be answering a question, then giving a little bit of information, with a followup question.
For an example (words that are underlined can be replaced with your own): “My weekend was great. I went apple picking at a place upstate. I picked a lot of Fuji apples, my favorite. Have you ever gone apple picking?”
My pet peeve with online conversations are when a person doesn’t follow up with a question. It gives off the impression that the interest isn’t there.
Do not spend weeks going back an forth chatting over messages. Ask questions that will help you give you a sense for who he/ she is as a person so you can lead to meeting up.
Ladies, remember it is okay to be the first one to ask a guy out! We don’t have time to wait and if he doesn’t seem too interested in actually meeting up, it may be time to unmatch.
A Good First...Outfit
Going on a first date can be nerve wrecking and so can planning on what to wear! This is one area I know quite a bit about and I have lots of tips for you.
Date night outfit formulas and where to wear them. My number one rule for a date night outfit is pick out your favorite asset (whether it’s your eyes, waist, butt, collarbone, or hair), then pick something that will flatter your favorite feature. .
Option 1: Ideal for dinner, theater, something a bit more fancy and upscale.
Your favorite cocktail dress with a leather jacket.
Option 2: Ideal for a drinks, movies, an event
Your favorite pair of jeans, a blouse, pumps or slight heel.
Option 3: Ideal for coffee or something casual
Sweater over a skirt or dress, sneakers or boots, bomber jacket.
Shop the black slip dress I am wearing HERE
A Good first…..Date
You’re now at the stage where you are about to go on a date. Congrats! I know it probably was exhausting getting here. There are three things I want you to remember when going on a first date. These are VERY important!
3. Be yourself! You want this person to get to know you because you are FABULOUS and anyone should be lucky to get to know you. Don’t ever talk yourself down or let anyone think you were not good enough if the date doesn’t go well.
2. Remember that the other person is just as vulnerable as you are. So be kind and treat them how you want to be treated. Never ghost, no matter how many times you may have been ghosted.
1.This one is important and is the key to being able to truly “date”. Have FUN!!! It’s not a race, not a binding contract, or an interview. It should be light and fun without pressure. If you have fun on the first date, a second one is probably right around the corner.
Thank you for reading!!
XOXO,
Krity
Photography by Ashley Gallerani
*I get a commission for purchases made through links in this post*
